On Alignment
Bumpy roads, an herby salad, and If Women Rose Rooted
Beloved soul. Forgetting who you are is a doorway to remembering who you are. When you see this doorway, step through it. You will know yourself in a way you have not before. This is the blessing of sweet reunion. Your whole life can be a tender tide of drifting away from yourself and finding your way back. No punishing yourself. Just recognition and loving return. Welcome home.
- Jaiya John
Right Livelihood
This summer my dear friend Phoebe Lyman and I discussed right livelihood. A skilled manual therapist and doula, Phoebe sparks dialogue on family planning and rewilding in her Wild Culture Collective. The word alignment persists as I reflect on our talk.
Alignment means living in a way that represents truth, conjuring integrity and authenticity. It feels interwoven with harmony. My road towards alignment has zig zagged with detours. Despite the bumpy ride, I’m grateful for it. I share specifically about career alignment because we often spend so much of our waking hours directing energy towards work. And I see many people who feel unfulfilled, unhappy, or burned out in their careers, which undoubtedly affects our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
Shifting Seasons
As autumn approaches, we might ask, what needs to be put to rest? Sometimes, this is the first step towards alignment - clarity on what doesn’t work.
I originally set out to be a child neurologist. When fellowship started, so did my panic attacks. One day my therapist prompted, “Imagine 6 months from now, you’re in neurology…” I cut her off because I knew in my bones that I couldn’t continue.
Our hearts may break when we take a left turn and we’re accustomed to veering right. Leaving fellowship was a first step towards alignment, though it came with resistance. Ironically, the first time I ever quit was also one of my proudest achievements.
Exploration
As we recognize what isn’t aligned, we explore what is - a fun and potentially terrifying chapter. It might take no time at all, or it might take years.
Time for rest was critical for me. Not a day or a week, but months.
At the start of the pandemic I left my job to move to Madrid to be with my then partner. I stayed at my parent’s house in Cape Cod while I waited to enter Europe. Six weeks of solitude offered me freedom from responsibility. It gifted me the stillness and quiet hum of the marshes to explore myself.
Who did I want to serve? How did I want to spend my days? Conversations with dozens of doctors following less traditional paths inspired me. Sacred plants whispered about medicina natural. I met my birth parents - a joyful reunion that also brought up painful realizations. In order to belong and be loved, I sacrificed authenticity. People pleasing, perfectionist - patterns that kept me from truth. And so it marked the start of a slow, dark period of returning back to myself.
Gut Intelligence
As my relationship in Madrid was ending and I planned to return to the U.S., I interviewed for part time positions at conventional clinics. During the calls, my body tightened and screamed, “NO.” Our bodies share so much wisdom when we listen.
I continued listening to my body when I returned to California to open a holistic reproductive health practice and to study herbalism and mindfulness meditation. I listened again, as the overturn of Roe V. Wade approached. It broke my heart to witness bans impeding reproductive freedom, as an abortion at age 16 changed my life. Anger in my belly directed my efforts and I started offering abortion services.
“Investigate what breaks your heart. Then ask yourself whether that is where your passion lies, think about what your key skills are, marry the two, - then you have your initiative.”
- If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie
Ongoing Evolution
Recently a friend from medical training asked if I am happy with work now. Although launching a business felt foreign and challenging, I feel more ease practicing medicine in a way that is aligned. I trust that my body and heart guide me, as I move through each trial and error. I also trust that the practice will continue to evolve in ways that I can not imagine now, as it has over the last years.
Take Aways for Exploring Alignment
Take time off.
Find stillness.
Listen to the physical body’s messages.
Talk to lots of people and try lots of things.
Accept change as constant evolution.
Nourish
Herb Salad
A favorite salad of the season to say farewell to summer, from Yotam Ottolenghi:
⚘ Arugula, 2 cups
⚘ Bunches of fresh Cilantro, Dill, Parsley, Basil, Mint, Tarragon
⚘ Almonds (sliced or chopped), 1 cup
⚘ Butter, 2 TBSP
⚘ Lemon juice from 1 lemon
⚘ Olive oil, 1 TBSP
Sauté almonds in butter with salt until golden. Let sit to cool.
Mix all fresh herbs.
Toss in almonds, lemon juice, olive oil. Salt and pepper to taste.
I add edible flowers like Nasturtium, feta, hemp seeds, and raisins for extra flavors and textures. Add poultry or boiled egg for protein. Play, go wild.
Read
If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie
⊍ Some books resonate so strongly, it feels like we’ve been in conversation with the author - Sharon Blackie’s If Women Rose Rooted is one of mine.
⊍ “A life changing journey to authenticity and belonging.” This book found me during huge transition that picked me up by the shoulders and shook me hard as I changed careers and left a long term partnership. Blackie shares Celtic mythology and folklore that ties into modern, societal challenges. She weaves in wisdom on the cyclical nature of women and Sovereignty, or belonging to oneself - topics so central to my work. And stories of shedding our masks and costumes to express our truth fill the pages. It feels so relieving to remember, it’s not just me.
vulnerable, deep, true. thank you so much for sharing this wisdom 💕
A beautiful share. There is no doubt in my mind that you are on your path. It's wonderful to watch you expand your offerings — as a doctor, herbalist and healer — to those in need by providing the level of care that we all deserve. Plus, that salad is nourishing on so many levels.